Did something happen? I don’t know how to start and i don’t dare to start. I am sorry but i really don’t dare to. Being a coward maybe? I am really really not thinking too much and i don’t want to as well coz i know is impossible. I really have got a lot to say but i have no one to tell to. And btw, no one can replace you.

Every time anyone mentioned about Campcraft Competition, I would feel very very affected and sad. This will most likely be the biggest regret i would get in my whole NP life. Maybe what Shirlene said are right, we were too complacent. But why are we complacent? Is it my fault? The rest’s fault? Or the CIs’ fault? I think all of us were at fault. As for me, obviously i am not a smart person who can think of ways to improve, think of better strategy, but i am constantly trying to improve, constantly trying to think of new strategy that will benefit us. But i think i thought too highly of myself and i am not even the captain, so why i want to step up so much. Yes, talking about this, why must i always be the “bad guy”? Whenever something went wrong during training, i will get scolded. Whenever i asked for longer time for training, they would scold me of insisting to tire them out and said that “quantity doesn’t mean quality” or something along that line. But my mindset is if we didn’t even have the quantity then how to have quality? Yeah, so when they are tire, they are injured, all will be my fault, they would say i tired them out. When my strategy doesn’t work out, they would “scold” me, criticize me. Okay, i am sorry for being too stubborn then, but i strongly believe that efforts determine the results. I joined this competition and i put all of the effort in it. I had never felt complacent, to be honest, I always felt that i am never good enough, and i should have be more strict during evaluation and tell them straight to the face that we are not good enough! There is nothing that is perfect in this world, so i don’t get why people start to get complacent or something. Yes, we won area 4, but so? Does that mean we are good? We were just lucky. 

Moving on, to be honest, i was pissed. I was pissed when people cried because we lost. They cried means they were upset right? Then if they really cared so much, then why didn’t them put in their best in the training? Complained about trainings, complained about having to attend so many trainings, complained this, complained that. Why no time? Because you need to study. But Who the hell no need to study? Since you all don’t even feel so much for this competition, then what gives you the right to cry? If you were upset, then you should have put in more effort, instead of only regretting it after the competition. Is there any use to it? I would rather have a team of people with low skills, but with great determination and passion than having a team of people with good skills but bad attitudes. Skills we can trained, i believe as long as we put in effort, we tried our best, we practiced until we get it, we will be able to outrun everyone. yes, like what Nike said, “think training is hard, try losing” But you know is very very very unfair for people who want to win for this competition coz they have put in so much more efforts!

Next up, the people whom i don’t want to mention it here. I think if without you all, we might have done even better. I mean yes, i do appreciate all of your advice and teaching us the skills. But you all are the reason why we fall apart with Juliet, causing conflicts in the unit. You all are the reason why we lose in a sense. I am not trying to put the blame on you. But please just reflect. What is the use of being biased? Why are you all even biased? Why must you all choose the team in this way. I wasn’t happy when you all say that we are the future, because you all thought we could do well, and we would get into top 10. I wasn’t happy at all. I am not a perfectionist but i never thought we are good enough. Then you all go to Juliet to criticize them, i mean what gives you the right to do that? Who do you all even think you are? But i am very sure if you guys are not biased, the unit will be so much more peaceful. People won’t suffer so much. 

If i have the chance to choose the team again, i am sorry but i would choose people who are willing to work hard for it, not just join for the participation point, not just join because you are being forced to. If you are not willing to work hard then why bother joining? 

But whatever it is, nothing can be changed anyway, and this has been so long ago alr. Get over it? Easy to say, hard to do. I think this regret will stay in my life, whenever someone mentioned it, it will just remind me of this regret. 

P.s whatever i say in this post, are not meant for anyone at all to see. If you choose to read it, then is your problem. If you have any comment, keep it to yourself then. 

I think i am really a very very big failure. I joined tkd for so many years, i have always been putting in my best effort for everything in tkd, but i have never ever get a double promotion before! and i will never ever have the chance to do it anymore! Not only that i never get double promotion and i even failed my black belt promotion. I am seriously a failure. I am sorry for disappointing sir, disappointing people who thought i am actually good and disappointing myself again and again. I am hopeless in tkd alr. Really hopeless. I should not have put in hope in it. Thinking that as long as you put in effort then even if i have no talent at all, i will do well. For my case, it is wrong! No talent means no talent. And i am so prone to injuries! so prone to accidents. How to succeed if i keep injuring myself? Haiz.